I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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