Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he thought i was a dude.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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