She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
