Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize