Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
