sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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