I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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