so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize