She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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