I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
handjob tips. give me some.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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