He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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