she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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