for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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