I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
