can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
