you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
