Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
