$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
