You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize