I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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