there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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