I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
