so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Can Purell be used as lube?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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