Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
