Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
