Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
