A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
