They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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