Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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