I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
