Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
