I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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