ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
