Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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