Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
