thus making me awesome and them whores
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
