I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
