She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
