what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I want her autograph on my taint
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
