he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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