Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
