eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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