Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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