whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
