9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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