I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
