Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
