Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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