I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
