apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
