just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
