A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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