You're so nebulous sometimes
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
