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People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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