I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So vagazzling was a success
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
