my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
