You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
