your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
