I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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