Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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