I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
