The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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