Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
