My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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