no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
