i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
