I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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