Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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