at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize