At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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