And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
