My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
