three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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