remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You're like the curious george of whores
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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